Monthly Archives: March 2019

Are You Choosing to Live Your Life by Design or by Default?

“Awareness gives you choice. Choice gives you freedom.”   John Assaraf

Often when I am working with a client or at a workshop I talk them through a tune-in process. In a feeling of relaxation, I ask them to be aware of what they are feeling physically and emotionally without judgement. Only when we know what is going on in our body right now, can we choose to change it if we want to. I liken the process to using a GPS. We need to know where we are now if we want to get to the correct destination. At the end of the day the decision is yours. Do you want to live a life that you have chosen, that you are living by design, or are you going to live the one that turns up by default, and you end up feeling like a victim? Making that choice always requires courage. Dr Rollo May, a distinguished psychiatrist, once wrote, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.”

Napoleon Hill wrote the book, “Think and Grow Rich.” In this he devotes a whole chapter to Decision. Like making a decision, responsibility is a choice. When you accept responsibility for your life and for the results that you want, you can break free of the constraints that a life by default brings. A life where we feel it is all happening to us and we have to accept it. Our brains are plastic and can be changed at any time. When you make the changes, you will develop confidence that it is possible to react to life with the freedom you desire.

Enjoy creating freedom from being aware of the choices you can make!

What Thought Seeds Are You Planting in the Universe?

“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting Golden Delicious.”  Bill Meyer.

The energy waves that come from our body when we think, can be measured.  The universe is a fertile ground for those thought seeds to germinate in.  Our thoughts also create emotions & actions which ultimately influence the result from our thoughts whether they are good or bad.

If you spend most of your days thinking negative thoughts about your circumstances, the world & the people who come into your life, you will see a pattern in your life that is negative & limiting.  However if you spend most of your days thinking positive, productive thoughts about what is presenting in your life, you will see more productive & rewarding results.  The choice is yours. If we look at this scientifically, there is a part of the brain called the Reticular Activating System that is constantly trying to find a match to your thoughts to confirm what you are thinking is correct. So it will search for the negative or positive results depending on what you are thinking. It will find that reality so you can say, “See I told you that happens to me!”

Each day this week, pay attention to what you are thinking.  What are your thoughts about your job, your friends, your colleagues, your income, your family members etc?  Take time to write them down, so that you can see clearly the patterns that are developing.  If your thoughts are continually negative, do your best to focus on intentionally choosing positive thoughts, just as you choose what to eat & wear each day.  Take note of how you feel in your heart or your body when you are positive & what shows up as a result. We should be aiming to feel good. In light of what has happened in Christchurch in the past few days we need to focus on our thoughts of compassion and love for the victims and their families as opposed to the hate for the perpetrator. We don’t want that energy of hate to be going out into the world, it doesn’t serve anyone. We can influence that by looking for the good in everything that is happening around us. The choice is yours. Think about it!

Enjoy choosing to be positive and looking for the good in everything!

Are You Living in a Cage?

“Too many people are living in a prison that they have themselves manufactured.”   Michael Beckwith.

About 3 years ago I really enjoyed a hit song that was put out called “Brave.” It had a great catchy tune & the singer had a video with people dancing out on the streets and all over the place. What some of the words said was, ‘Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live, Maybe one of these days you can let the light in. Show me how big your brave is.’ The trouble is, so often we don’t know we are in a cage or a prison. We are living the only life we know and don’t realise that we can have a different life if we choose to. The beliefs we have been taught over the years, especially up to the age of about 6 or 7, are limiting us to how our parents and teachers thought was where our potential could be.

Have you heard of ‘River Reed Thinking?’ Baby elephants in India, were brought up with one leg tied to a stake in the ground and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get away. Eventually they gave up. Then all the trainer had to do to the adult elephant was plait some reeds from the river and tie it around the elephant’s leg. The elephant’s belief was that they couldn’t get away when something was tied around their leg so they didn’t even try. We might think, “Poor elephant, how sad that they aren’t able to think like we can. Couldn’t they see that they were much stronger than those reeds plaited together?” But where in your life are you staying stuck in a dead end job or a relationship you should be out of? Yes we do have a mind and could get out of our cage or prison, but we need to see that we are in one and that we do have the ability to get out. All it takes is some courage to see the beliefs we have for what they are – certainly doesn’t have to be our truth. We can change our beliefs because we have a mind.

Enjoy showing us all how “big your brave is!”

What are Your Biggest Fears and Insecurities?

“Rather than sweating to manage your image, manage your fear and insecurity thoughts that tell you that you have to get people to like you.”   Alan Cohen

I have a string of women clients who in some shape or form are being driven by the conditioned thoughts that were set up when they were little people. I know there are men out there who feel the same but they tend not to seek advice as much or certainly not from a female coach. But I’m sure their image is there, but it is different. It is important to them that they have a performance image, that they have a good job, that they are providing for their families and that they have the latest toys. For women it is more about how well they are able to hold down a job and manage the children and their activities at the same time. How well they appear to have it all together, to keep up with the men if they want to be promoted, still have the meals sorted and look well-groomed and the ‘smarts’ to go with it.

It is like a treadmill, at the very least maintaining the status quo for both sexes, but not stopping to understand why they allow themselves to be pulled into this stream that is like the vortex of the plug hole. If we can look back to the fears and insecurities we had as children, it will go some way to explaining why we are doing what we are doing. It doesn’t have to be like that, we don’t have to continue to try and please others who have now taken the place of the parents or adults who had these expectations of us as children. We can choose today, to let go of the fears and insecurities we are holding on to. It is not our job to try and make people like us. It is our job to connect to our feelings and if we don’t like what we are feeling, connect with the times we have felt good and allow ourselves to feel that and as we can, to amp that up. Turn up the dial and remind yourself, what they think is not about me!

Enjoy feeling the bliss and allowing others to have their opinions without it bothering you!