“Beware of destination addiction: The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job or even with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”
I’m in an online exercise programme that has a face book group for connection and interaction. Inevitably people are exercising to lose some unwanted weight and when they do, they are happy that they have achieved their goal. I haven’t been in such a supportive group before. Even if people are struggling for whatever reason, there is always a group of others who give them a pep talk, who encourage them and help them, at least outwardly, to accept the need to continue and enjoy ‘pushing play,’ as they all say. There are some who have a lot of weight to lose but the fact they have lost any weight at all is an achievement, and encouragement to continue. Most don’t want to seem negative so although they may talk of things not going to plan they are putting a brave face on it. But who knows what they are feeling under the outward optimism we are seeing.
At the end of the day you are the only one who knows if you are faking it or whether you do actually feel happy in the moment, even though you may not have achieved the outcome you really think you want. What is the pep talk you give yourself to genuinely feel happy for others who achieved what you haven’t? Are you able to rely on yourself, no matter what, to be grateful for what is going on in your life and feel the happiness you know is going to maintain a better physiology? A better physiology is your heart rate, blood pressure, breathing and muscle tension. If you have to wait for something else to happen in your life or wait for someone to do something that creates your happiness, you have less opportunities to be happy and you could be waiting for the rest of your life. As the quote says, that happiness you seek will always be at the end of the rainbow, in a new job or a new partner, not in you right now, right where you are.
Enjoy finding the happiness from within and improving your physiology!
“If there are no ups and downs in your life, it means you are dead.”
A few years ago I was doing a trek in Nepal, and on the first day we were walking along the valley floor and the guide pointed upwards and said, “That’s where we are staying tonight.” My heart sank, to see the height of the hill/mountain we had to climb. But there was no alternative and we had chosen this particular route so that we could see the sunrise from the ‘top of the world,’ the next morning. And what an experience that was, with hundreds of others from all parts of the world, joined with one common exciting purpose. So the contrast was amazing! Yes it would have been easier to just walk along a flat path, but we would never have had that fantastic experience.
Life is also like that. How do we get the contrast of light and shadow, of good times and ‘bad,’ if we only ever have one basic experience? Life would become monotonous. There is a natural Law of Polarity, which says, there are always 2 sides to everything. You can’t have an in without an out, or an up without a down. The rich tapestry of special moments wouldn’t be treasured, if we didn’t have some challenges to gives us the contrast. Maybe even some pride in ourselves when we have overcome something that perhaps we didn’t know we could do. It takes acceptance of both the good points we have and the points we would rather hide, to make us who we are and what we have to offer the world.
Enjoy staying alive with both the ups and downs in your life!
“You can spend your time alone re-digesting past regrets, or you can come to terms and realize you’re the only one who can forgive yourself, makes much more sense to live in the present tense” Eddie Vedder
When I was a teenager, I remember thinking why should I forgive myself, what rights have I got to do that, when I’ve done something that others may have not liked. And I’ve hung in there with the judgement & criticism of myself, until the next demeanour came along. I saw the Catholics going to the priest for absolution of their sins & thought that was wrong because once they had that off their chest they could go out & do it all over again. I don’t know whether they did or not, but I’m sure they felt better about what they had done because the priest had done the sign of the cross over them & sent them on their way.
It has taken a long time to allow myself to forgive the things that I don’t like about what I have done. Let’s face it, in the scheme of things, they don’t really look too bad. If a murderer gets to turn their life around, then surely I should be able to do the same. Depends on my level of energy as to how much I can turn my back on those messages I had when growing up. Those messages that were trying to turn me into an upright citizen of this world. I’m grateful that I had an upbringing from parents who cared enough to remind me what society expected of me. But sometimes I wish those voices of judgement would stop. How much longer do I have to feel bad, when all I have to do is acknowledge that we all make mistakes right now & move forward.
Enjoy forgiving yourself & moving confidently on to the next step!
“Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.”
We have become such a ‘now’ society. In my parent’s day you didn’t buy anything on time payment, you saved up until you had enough to pay for it. Slowly but surely the urgency has crept in. As soon as the stores were able to set up finance plans we were putting all sorts of things onto a payment plan. Cars, whitegoods and even clothes – pay as you wear. The stores were doing more and more to capture our disposable income. Only it’s no longer disposable for a lot of people. Credit cards have taken over and it’s too easy to pay for something we really can’t afford. Whatever we have bought will be obsolete before we have paid it off. Are you measuring your success against you friends?
It was interesting over this past Xmas. Some family members gave the grandchildren some cash to put towards something they each wanted. The 5 year old had a short fall of about $4 and even though I was going over and the plan was to give some more while there so I could go shopping with them to spend it, he really didn’t get it. I’m not sure at what age they get that sense of waiting longer for something they want most. So he did some chores for Mum to make up the short fall to get his favourite toy. At the end of the day though he did pay cash so I guess he learnt that little lesson and did earn it first. They have done experiments with kids and tell them they can have one sweet now but if they leave it on the plate they can have 2 when the researcher comes back into the room. The majority cannot wait. What are you having to discipline yourself about, to wait until you have saved enough for whatever it is you want most. Our money mind set has a big part to play in all of this but that is a story for another day.
Enjoy choosing between now and delayed gratification!