Conversational Intelligence

Are you concerned about the different communications you are having at home or work? Conversations are at the heart of any communication. This includes our body language and what we are transmitting from our electrical, magnetic and chemical systems. We are able to pick up information about the other people around us within .07 sec. That information is relayed to the brain which will either immediately cause us to trust or distrust the other person and cause us to behave in a particular way. The sophisticated tools we have these days for testing have been able to show what goes on in the brain when we trust or distrust the other person.  The words we use carry meaning & have the ability to trigger emotional reactions.

What stories are you making up in your head about the meaning of someone else’s words? This could be the start of the slippery slope or a staircase to a more meaningful connection. Distrust is a cause of stress in the body and it pops up when we feel someone is being judgemental, when they make us feel lesser than or feel bad, when we we’re taking risks and we feel we are going to be rejected, when we feel that someone is angry at us. The part of the brain that protects us gets activated, and shuts down the part that is good at making decisions, that allows us to trust. This is what can happen daily in some work places.

Trust is essential for great relationships. Research shows when we are comfortable with someone our heart beat becomes more even and regular. The brain gets the message that it’s okay to relax, open up and share with that person. When we feel trust, chemicals are released that cause us to bond well with that person and creates a feeling of wellbeing.

Did you know that there are 3 types of conversations? Most of us are only used to relying on the first 2 & don’t know how to co-create conversations that communicate at a deeper level with our workmates or family. This is especially important when they trigger us because of what they have just said. We have not been taught how to have a difficult conversation because it feels confrontational.

When we have a happy workplace we are going to get the most out of our staff, get more loyalty and get more contribution and co-operation. Often we are not taught the things we need to know to communicate successfully with others. Sometimes it can just be instinctive but then we change jobs & find that what worked for us in the past doesn’t work anymore in a different culture with different expectations.

Contact me if you would like to learn more about this great way to improve your relationships not only with others but also with yourself.